Final say on Prop 2

Of course, that is a total lie. I'm going to be bitching about that bad idea for a long time to come.

But you don't come here to just hear me bitch (do you?), you're here to read something uplifting. I've got just the thing.

The Trib is running a 4-part Sunday series on marriage. Last week we had a story showing that "traditional" marriage has only been around about 200 years. Before that, one man and many women was the norm. And the notion that a woman was not a piece of property, well that's since 1968 or so.

What the religious right calls traditional, I call bassackwards and totally modern bigotry. But I digress.

This week's story is on a gay couple living in Central Texas. They consider themselves totally married, even though the state refuses to recognize their humanity.

"Let me tell you, after the honeymoon period, sex in any marriage is the smallest part of married life after paying bills, dealing with kids and getting dinner on the table," Ochoa says. "When you say you are gay, the first thing people think about is what you do in your bedroom. That is not what our marriage is about, and besides, there are a lot of straight people who do much weirder stuff than many gays and lesbians have ever done."

Their jovial demeanors harden when the conversation turns to discrimination. They are certain future generations will look back on gay rights issues much like current generations view the racial and gender bigotry of the past.

They resent feeling too uncomfortable to hold hands in public, having to fight to see the other after visiting hours in the hospital and having to console other gay couples who call the police when neighbors yell slurs at them in the presence of children. The two believe gay couples should never be denied adoption rights. Kids can never have too many people who love them, says Ochoa, who played an integral role in raising his son and caring for his 1-year-old granddaughter.

Each refuses to pretend to be just friends when introducing the other in public. Ochoa says they cannot expect others to accept their lifestyle if they aren't open and secure in their relationship. The two have been active in local gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered groups.

"Rights are human rights, not gay rights or women's rights or heterosexual rights," Ochoa says. "Who gives heterosexuals the right to say that we can't get married?"...

The couple acknowledges their battles against hospital visitation laws and the like have strained their relationship. They visited a marriage counselor six years into their union, when sickness and the restraints of a fixed income were wearing on the relationship. The therapy succeeded in strengthening their bond, which they consider a marriage in every sense of the word, Beasley said. Even though the state doesn't recognize the union, the couple plan to renew their vows in 2007 in celebration of their 10th anniversary. ...

The results of surveys on the issue of gay marriage are as varied as the camps trying to define the institution. A 2003 USA TODAY/CNN/Gallup Poll found that 50 percent of those surveyed said gay marriage would improve or have no effect on society. But the PBS program "Religion and Ethics Newsweekly" found that 71 percent of Americans' surveyed believe in the statement: "God's plan for marriage is one man, one woman, for life." Most published surveys on the subject note an increase in the number of Americans open to same-sex unions.

How much you want to bet that the polling sample the PBS show used was biased somewhat?

It was terrible to read that these two had problems with hospital visitation rights, though they are battling AIDS and cancer together. I can't imagine living with someone and being married in the eyes of God, but not being able to visit them in the hospital after hours. That's, well, that's just barbaric.

Two things strike me as fascinating about this couple. The firs thing is the religiosity of these two. I like to make jokes about the religious right and about organized religion in general, but these two have a deep and abiding faith that helps them through hard times. And they have some hard times.

Both deeply spiritual individuals, Beasley and Ochoa take great satisfaction from religious groups' growing acceptance of gay unions. In 2004, the governing body of the United Church of Christ became the largest Christian denomination to pass a resolution endorsing same-sex marriage. The vote doesn't force individual churches to accept gay marriages, but the majority of its churches support the referendum and perform civil unions.

Other denominations, such as the Episcopal Church, Evangelical Lutheran Church and Presbyterian Church (USA), recognize same-sex unions. Ochoa and Beasley belong to Waco's gay-friendly Central Texas Metropolitan Community Church from the Heart. They said the congregation of straight and gay members has been their rock during hard times.

The other thing is that they have stuck with each other for 8 years even though one has AIDS and the other has cancer. I've known relationships that ended over a yeast infection, so this tells me that love comes in all shapes and sizes. It doesn't make any sense to deny people in love the right to show it and be accepted.

"I had just found the glass slipper and it fit, and now this. I didn't actually break down until I told Sam that night on the phone," Beasley says. "I was so afraid that he would leave me over it, but he was very calming and told me that it didn't matter, that he loved me for me and no disease would change his feelings for me, and they haven't."

That is love my friends and fuck you if you don't think that counts for something. And fuck you if your're the lady who wrote a letter to the editor this weekend saying that what's in your heart matters less than what's in the Bible, the same chapter of which says my cotton/poly blend shirts are grounds for death.

In the final analysis, marriage is only about love. I don't want to get sappy on you, but if you make it about anything else, you cheapen something that has managed to actually get better over time. We don't have arranged marriages anymore, we don't treat our wives as commodities anymore, we don't marry someone just to produce a male heir anymore. Marriage isn't about what the Bible says and it isn't about procreation. Believe me, we heterosexuals don't mind doing all the procreating.

Marriage has evolved into an expression of love between two people who could not think of spending their lives without each other. If you really want to "defend the sanctity of marriage" then stop debasing it with your own petty, human bigotry and trust God to make the right people love each other.

UPDATE: Greg has the same high idealistic view of marriage of being about love. He, however, seems to think this love eminates soley from Judeo-Christian values. I would argue that Judeo-Christian values have killed a lot of people because they disagreed with those values over the years. I would argue society was evolving the whole time these Judeo-Christian values were in place and some of the greatest strides came when people questioned those values and found them to be no longer applicable.

I would also argue that love doesn't come from reading a book. Love, I think, eminates from God Himself, and God doesn't have time fret over little things like gender or skin color when he's pairing people up. He's a busy guy.

I will concede that some people think they or in love but aren't, and those people get married for the wrong reasons. But I think that has more to do with the human flaws than any wrongdoing on God's part. If you're shallow, God only has so much to work with. He can work miracles but he can't give Britney Spears a deep personality.

Comments

[bingsy]

There is a big difference between having an ideology that marriage is between a man and woman and believing that everyone that believes otherwise should be forced by law to live it that way.

There was an article in the Statesmen that drove me nuts. It was on the "moderate views" of Proposition 2, as if the NoNonsense views have been going around shouting and acting like asses -which they haven't. The biggest absurdity was their choice of a "moderate" view. It was a gay man that believed gays shouldn't marry - hmmm maybe moderate, but you think you have to read more to find out why he feels this way. Then you discover that not only is he voting no for prop 2, but the reason he doesn't believe in gay marriage is because he doesn't believe the government should be in the marriage industry and should only issue civil unions to gay and straight marriages alike. Oh yeah - real moderate jack ass author of article whom I'm too lazy to look up at the moment and hopefully you don't know personally and if you do I apologize he's not a jack ass but he did in fact write a very lousy article (run on intended).

[damn yankee]

Coincidence that you have addressed this topic yesterday and I'm getting around to reading it today. Today was dog groomer day for my poodle mix. I always have great conversations with my dog groomer, of all people. I'm in there for a least 30 minutes talking. And yes, she's a lesbian in a long term relationsip and they have an adopted child who is 2 years old. They own their own grooming business and her partner works for the county. Of course, like me she's a liberal democrat and I enjoy talking politics with her. Its difficult to find like minded individuals here in East Texas. A while back I asked her what the local townsfolk think of her lifestyle. She said for the most part they've accepted them whole heartedly. Not like she gives a shit anyway. I think the hard part for some the locals was the fact that being gay was only part of what she is. She's also mother, daughter, aunt, business owner, etc. Speaking with her today I found out that she & her partner were approached 2 years ago by an unwed mother to adopt her baby. Anyway, to make a long story short, there were 4 other hetrosexual couples vying for the baby. The biological parents picked the lesbian couple. The bio parents said in their estimation the lesbians were more stable, loving and committed to each other and to raising their child that the hetro's were. They have a big extended family of grandparents, uncles and aunts who whole heartedly support them and their family's lifestyle. So... who would have ever thought that I'd find this situation in a little East Texas town... Not me...