Movie blog

This is going to be one of those awkward moments where I don't talk about politics. Instead, I'm going to talk about movies that suck.

I spent a large portion of my leisure time watching movies with one of my best friends this weekend. It's something we've done since high school, rent movies, eat pop rocks and make hilarious comments throughout a really bad movie. This weekend we watched an especially good (read BAD) example of why home video cameras ruined cinema.

What we felt was a store-bought digicam image came popping up on the screen to begin the journey that was "S.I.C.K." from Artisan Entertainment 2003. If you really want to know, it stands for Serial Insane Clown Killer. That should have been our first clue.

"S.I.CK." then takes us on a winding journey through the heart of a killer. Not really. It actually takes you through the world of bad cinematography, dialouge written, we suspect, by a 35-year-old virgin and some really bad special effects. I have not seen a worse fake head since Friday the 13th Part III.

The unrealistic, Ed Wood style language does not help me suspend my disbelief; it makes me painfully aware of the fact that this could never happen. Try telling someone you hardly know "You know what your problem is, baby, you're too tense." and see if she sleeps with you right after.

Which brings us to the gratuitous nudity. It's not gratuitous enough. A few boob shots will not make up for a serious lack of storyline. No, this kind of writing would demand hardcore porn scenes to take up the slack.

Having the main character slap a woman and call her some very dirty names one minute, then tell everyone violence and name calling will not solve anything after they find dead bodies in the shed the next, didn't help the credibility, either.

In fact, the only thing they seem to have done right was the clown mask. It looked like one of those very expensive latex masks just for killer clowns. Smeared grease paint and all that. The only inescapable conclusion is that they blew the entire budget on getting a really cool mask, then remembered they had not yet hired a writer or actors; and never did.

Some of you will point to the fact that I watch stuff like this to explain why my politics are the way they are. Some will ask why I can title a blog "Common Sense" yet show a startling low proclivity for it with my taste in movies. My response is a quote from Vice President Dick Cheny: "Fuck yourself."

Can I give this movie a negative star? That might make you think this movie is the worst of all time, but there are certainly worse. I guess it is the kind of movie you would enjoy watching when you are really baked and your cousin has your copy of "Death to Smoochie."

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